Let's Go Fishing
by Screaming Purple Duck
Summary: WARNING: Crack fic. Funny, but not accurate. Somewhat AU/OOC/anime world. OC's are used.
1. Chapter 1

"What in the world are you doing?" Ophelia asked from behind me.

"Shhhh!" I whispered angrily. "I am fishing, you dimwitted twat."

"Quinn, what are you doing?" Ophelia asked as she tried seeing behind me.

I pushed her away, grumbling unhappily. It had taken ages to get this plan into action. Ages and the help of a small sleeping drug that put the shark man right to sleep. But, of course, no one had to know that little factor. Right now, I was going to reel my catch in, give the fishing rod to Ophelia – or someone else, need be – and then get the hell out of Dodge and into the safety of my reinforced steel door that even Fishy Man couldn't break through.

With a grin, I began to reel in the catch of the day. I heard a disgruntled shout, followed by a yelp of pain. I reeled for a few more seconds before depositing the fishing rod in Ophelia's confused hands. When I heard my name being called from the depths of the compound, I grinned and ran. After all, how fast could he go with that hook in his mouth?

Unfortunately, he moved a lot faster than I had originally planned. He reached my door just as I slammed it shut, his entire body weight slamming against the door and pushing it open. I squealed in surprise and shoved back at the door, closing it just long enough for me to slide the major lock in. After I heard the sweet sound of a lock sliding into home, I quickly made work of the other locks, making sure that the blue man couldn't get in.

"QUINN YOU IGNORANT SLUT!" Kisame yelled through the door as he threw his entire weight against the door again. The door rattled, making my eyes go wide in surprise.

Although, with the hook in his mouth, it sounded like "WHINN YHOU IGNORANT SHLUHT!"

"Kisame, darling," I crooned loudly through the door, "it sounds as if your speech impediment has gotten worse!" I sighed loudly. "I do believe that we need to get a doctor to you, quickly!"

"DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!" Kisame yelled angrily.

It came out as "DON'T THALK TO MEH LYKE DAT!"

I grinned and backed away from the door slightly. I don't know how much reinforced steel can hold, but I wanted to be on the safe side. I backed up to my window, all the while listening to Kisame yell obscenities at me through the closed door and Ophelia's soft voice trying to calm the blue man down. He snarled at her, and I heard teeth clacking together. Youch.

Very slowly, I opened the large bay window that was included in my room. That had taken a lot of persuading on my end with Pein. The leader still thought that the bay window was unneeded, but I loved looking out of it at night when everybody was supposed to be sleeping. Insomnia's a bitch, but having windows large enough that you can sit in and watch the wilderness around you helped. A lot. Kisame was still screaming at me while I escaped into the woodland paradise that surrounded our home.

I carefully shut the window, making as little noise as possible, before turning to walk into the trees. It was still light enough that artificial light wasn't needed quite yet, and I grinned. Small, woodland animals scampered about, chittering to me in excited tones. Jeffry, the red squirrel that basically lived on my windowsill, came running up to me and gave me the lower-your-hand-now-you-stupid-human look, and I obeyed. The woodland creature jumped from the ground to my hand, scampered up my arm, and perched on my shoulder before he started in on my latest scheme.

"Oh, hush, Jeffry," I muttered as I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my indigo hoodie. "It was a good laugh, and it won't hurt him near as much as it did when I put the baby oil on him before he went with Itachi to the beach and he nearly ended up a fish stick."

Jeffry turned to me and started in on what I was guessing was a version of a squirrely lecture. I sighed and tuned it out, instead looking up at the bits of sky that I could see through breaks in the treetops. The wooded area was home, as how it always had been. I could happily live in the open spaces without having to bother about the confinements of four walls and so many people. Once a girl raised in the trees, always a girl raised in the trees.

"QUINN!" I heard Kisame shout, and I could tell by the way it was carried across the wind that he was outside now. "Get over here. Now."

I grimaced and began to clear my tracks. It's not that I didn't want to talk to Kisame. It was just that I was terrified that when he caught up to me, I'd be beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die. Safest possible place for me right now was up in the trees. Jeffry looked back toward the compound and scurried up a large oak tree. Shrugging, I followed suit.

"Quinn! Quinnnnnnnnny," Kisame crooned as he came closer, no doubt following the few tracks that appeared. "C'mon, Quinn. I don't wanna fight with you. Just wanna talk. Just some harmless conversation, you know."

I held my breath as he walked near the base of the tree. If he couldn't hear me, he wouldn't have a reason to look up in the oak tree, whose leaves thankfully mostly hid me from the fish man's view. Jeffry, on the other hand, looked at me, down at the man, then back. His squirrel eyes glinted with mischief as he opened his traitorous little mouth and started chattering happily. Kisame looked up, and then grinned, sharp, pointed teeth grinning up at me.

"Ah, there's our disappearing act now," he called out to me, motioning with his hand that I should scamper down the tree to talk with him. "C'mon, Rapunzel. Let down your hair."

I looked down at him and shook my head, the black strands of hair dipping to fall in front of my eyes. "I'm pretty sure you have the wrong princess!" I pointed toward a tree a few feet away from me. "Try that one! I do believe there's a blonde haired, blue eyed girl just waiting for some kind knight to come rescue her!"

Kisame barked out a laugh. "Sorry, but right now, my only concern is a certain black haired, green eyed witch."

I flipped him the bird. "I'm not a witch, you asshat."

Kisame's face showed surprise. "Did you just call me an asshat?"

I looked down at the man and nodded. "If the shoe fits…!"

Kisame grinned up at me, grabbing his crotch and giving it a hitch. "You know… The thing about shoes is that I have big ones, for my big feet. And you know what they say about big feet."

My mouth gaped open as I stared at the fish man. A blush crept across my face as he winked at me, his entire body shaking with his laughter. I closed my mouth quickly and looked at Jeffry. The squirrel had the gall to look happy with himself. I growled deep in my throat, glaring at the fluffy little creature. He sat straighter and looked ashamed.

"LA LA LA LA," I screamed as I covered my ears with my hands. "I'M NOT LISTENING!"

The entire Akatsuki appeared next to Kisame at the base of the tree. Pein sighed as he saw how high up I was in the tree. Deidara and Sasori exchanged money in a bet as to how long I'd stay in the tree. Itachi sighed and went back into the compound. Konan and Kakuzu stared up at the tree, clearly annoyed at having to deal with two unruly members. Ophelia stared up at me in the tree and just shook her head slowly. I waved back at her, and she mumbled something to herself. Hidan stood off to the side; hand in his pants, not paying much attention to the rest of the group. Gag. Tobi waved up at me, happy energy radiating from his cloak-encased body. Deidara glared at the other man, dodging behind Sasori to attempt to stay hidden. It didn't work, and Tobi ran over to his Senpai, glomping him happily. Zetsu stood off in the shadows, not making himself known, but radiating some sort of emotion that I didn't quite care to grasp.

Wow. There were too many people down there.

"Kisame," Pein sighed, "what the hell did you do to get her up in the tree?"

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Kisame yelled, anger radiating off of him in waves. "SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT A FISH HOOK IN MY MOUTH AND DECIDED TO GO FISHING!"

Pein looked up at me, laughter swimming in his grey eyes. "Quinn. Please tell me that you didn't try to go fishing in the compound. Again."

I shrugged. "I could, but I'd be lying. And you told me that I wasn't supposed to lie anymore so…"

Pein shook his head. "Get out of the tree, Quinn."

I frowned down at him. "Um, how about no? That blue thing is gonna bite my head off."

Kisame growled. "I AM NOT A THING!"

Pein held his hand up, stopping any and all comments that were about to go flying out of anyone's mouth. "I don't care if he's going to bite your head off. You either get out of the tree by yourself, or I'm going to send this 'blue thing,' up after you so he can drag you down."

I looked down at Kisame, who was even madder at me for the thing comment, and weighed my choices. I could go down now and have the chance of having somebody protect me from Jaws, or I could wait for them to send Jaws to me. I shuddered. Why was I making myself get disturbing images of a mechanical shark biting off limbs? Then I looked down at Kisame, who was grinning at me with all of those pointy pearly whites, and knew why.

He literally could bite my head off if he wanted to.

The sky darkened, and most of the other members began making their way to the compound. I made a strangled sound and scampered down the tree, purposefully sticking to Pein's side and peeking around him to the shark. Kisame pouted as he realized his chance to beat me up was gone. At least, I thought with a gulp, I thought it was gone. Pein motioned for Kisame to come closer, looking at us with annoyance.

"Okay," Pein sighed, probably remembering that he had to do something similar to this the last time I'd gone fishing. "Kisame, you can't bite her head off. Or kill her. We need her for the next mission that goes down. She's pretty enough to bring the idiot to the dark alley where you and Itachi'll kill her." Kisame frowned, and Pein turned to me. "And I swear to God, Quinn, if you don't quit tormenting this man, I'm just going to lock you in his room for 24 hours and let him do whatever he wants. And that includes biting your precious head off."

Both Kisame and I gaped at him.

"Am I clear?" Pein asked, looking between us.

I nodded. Kisame rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, making a noncommittal sound for his boss. Pein grinned at us before spinning on his heel and walking back toward the compound. A melodious sound drifted to us on the wind, and I realized that Pein was whistling. Pein _never_ whistled. Then my mind latched onto what Pein had said about the next mission I was to attend.

"Did he actually say…?" I asked, mostly in disbelief.

Kisame nodded. "A-yup. You're going with me and Itachi. Probably bringing Ophelia, too, so you'll have a babysitter."

I groaned in annoyance. "BUT I DON'T WANT TO DISTRACT A MAN!"

Kisame cocked his head to the side, as if in thought. "Would you rather distract a woman?"

I smacked myself in the forehead. "Ulk. That isn't what I meant!"

Kisame grinned at me. "Oh yeah. I'm sure that's what you meant." I opened my mouth to reply, but he went on. "Don't get me wrong. I'm perfectly okay with you wanting to distract the women! It's pretty fun to watch."

I glared at him. "Okay, Fishy. Let's get this straight. I'm into both men and women, yes, but I would never, _**never**_, let you watch. Period."

Kisame winked at me before continuing to walk toward the compound. "We'll see about that, Quinny. We'll see."

I flipped him the bird.


	2. Chapter 2

Pein hadn't listened to my pleas not to be the bait. Anything could go wrong. He could get the jump on me while I was tottering around on high heels. He could get his hands up my dress and decide to go for the gold. He could figure out who I was and pull a knife and just press it into my throat and then it'd all be over. The other man just laughed and said I could handle myself.

I grumbled to myself for most of the time that I had been packing. A skin-tight turquoise dress was carefully folded into the bag that was necessary for this mission. The dress barely reached mid-thigh, and slid up into slightly-dangerous territory, but not up too high that I could be nailed with indecent exposure. The dress showed off my legs and seemed to make my green eyes glow brighter. A skin tight, but slightly more acceptable, black dress followed suit before I tossed in all the makeup and hair products and my best pair of black pumps into the bag.

Ophelia knocked on my door. "You ready?"

I nodded as I slipped my hoodie on. "Yeah, let's go."

Itachi showed up in the doorway, gently pushing Ophelia out of the way so that he could get the bag. He grunted slightly as the weight hit him, not expecting my bag to be quite so heavy. I smiled sweetly as I walked past him, swaying my hips ever so slightly. Ophelia cleared her throat and began walking directly behind me, mumbling something about how I should stop tormenting the poor men of the organization.

"Shut up, Opal," I muttered as I made my way to the front door, where Kisame was leaning against the doorway. "Eew. It smells like rotten sushi in here."

Kisame sniffed at his arm and looked up at us, confused. "That's funny. All I smell is eau de whore."

I let my mouth hang open on a fake gasp. "THAT'S NO WAY TO TALK ABOUT OPAL, YOU SILLY FISH FIEND!"

Ophelia looked heavenward, an annoyed sound coming from her throat. "Okay, children. Let's get this show on the road."

Itachi sighed and pushed us all out of the door. I glared at him, but stuffed my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. Jeffry scurried up to us, chattering as he latched onto my pant leg. I sighed and stopped, waiting for the furry creature to shimmy up my body. He perched on my shoulder and began talking. Ophelia was walking with the men, so I quietly crept into the trees.

"Oh, Jeffry," I sighed as I climbed into a large tree, "I don't want to go on this stupid mission." The squirrel laid a tiny paw on my cheek and patted. "Thanks for the concern, my little furry buddy. But if I don't go on this mission, then Pein'll kick my ass and probably never let me leave the compound again." I frowned.

The squirrel chittered in a sad tone, and I had to smile. He was such a weird little thing. I scratched him under his chin and pulled out a peanut that I had stashed in my pocket, holding it out to him. His little eyes bulged as he quickly grabbed the nut and stuffed it into his mouth. I giggled and looked out at the sky.

"Jeffry, I'm just gonna live in this tree," I murmured as I stroked the smooth hair of his back. "Then we can get our own tree and I could be a kick ass queen of the forest."

Jeffry was too busy with his peanut.

"Then again," I said on a sigh as I stood up, depositing the squirrel to my shoulder, "you're a terrible listener. Just like a guy. I bring you food, and you tune me out."

I jumped from tree to tree until I reached the others. Ophelia was in a deep conversation with Kisame, and Itachi was carrying the bags, not paying much attention to anyone. I looked over at Jeffry, who was happily munching on his peanut. Gnawing on my bottom lip, I placed the squirrel on a tree limb. He looked up at me, confusion showing in his brown eyes.

"Alright, Jeffy," I muttered as I gave him a few more peanuts. "I've gotta go, and I need you to stay here for me. I don't wanna worry about losing my little squirrely friend. Okay?"

The squirrel looked at me, indecision showing in his gaze.

"C'mon. I need somebody here to throw a welcome home party!" I said, chirping with fake happiness. "Who better to do that than you?"

The squirrel nodded and grabbed his peanuts. I smiled and patted him on the head before shimmying my way down the tree. I waved goodbye to the squirrel and turned, bumping into a solid chest. I squeaked and jumped back, my eyes going up the lean, muscled body, latching onto onyx eyes. Then my look of surprise and terror changed into one of annoyance, and I swung my arm back, fully intending to punch him on his smug mouth.

As if anticipating my move, he latched onto my fist and held it still. I struggled against his hold, my breathing growing ragged, until he pushed me up against the tree. Realizing that I wasn't going to go anywhere until he released his hold, I stopped struggling and just glared at him. Kisame gave a cocky grin as he pushed the hair out of my face. I barely resisted the urge to bite his finger.

"Now, now, Rapunzel," he said as he tapped me on the nose, all the while that cocky grin playing across his blue lips, "that's naughty. Now, are you going to tell me why you went off into the trees when you thought nobody was looking?"

I let a sound that rivaled the sound of a very angry lion. "I don't have to tell you jack shit, asshat. Now, be a good little fishy and let me go."

Kisame's eyes hardened in annoyance, and his fingers tightened on my fist. I whimpered. "Okay, Rapunzel. Let's get this straight. If I'm the one who is supposed to be killing this asshole, then you're going to have to cooperate. If you go off on your own, then I'm going to need to know so that I know you don't die before you get the guy into the alley so I can bash his brains in. Are we clear?"

I saluted. "Aye fucking aye, Captain Sharkface."

He grabbed my other hand, pressing my wrist painfully into the bark of the tree. "How about you cut the sarcasm, bitch?"

I glared at him. "I'll cut the sarcasm when you let go of my hands, pencil dick."

Kisame's eyes registered surprise before they hardened in anger. "Did you just call me _Pencil Dick_?"

I smirked up at him. "Yup. I have it on good account that your dick is the size of-"

Kisame released one of my hands, but before I could move it away, he combined the two above my head. With an angry growl, he dropped his pants, lime green briefs and all. I glared at him before he pointed downward with one hand, indicating that I should drop my gaze. Without thinking, I did. Then my face burned with a heated blush as I noticed his state of undress.

"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A FUCKING PENCIL DICK TO YOU?" Kisame yelled angrily.

"Ulk," I muttered as I looked away.

He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Answer the fucking question, bitch. Does this look like a pencil dick to you?"

"Uh, Kisame?" Itachi asked from behind us, clearing his throat uneasily. "Why the hell do you not have any pants on?"

Kisame didn't even turn around. "I am proving a point. Now go away."

Ophelia came up behind Itachi. "Wait. Did I just hear you say Kisame had no pants on?"

Itachi nodded, rubbing the back of his head nervously. "Uh-huh. I'm not quite sure as to why, though."

My eyes latched onto Itachi's gaze. "You. Help. Now."

Itachi laughed and shook his head. "No offense, sweet cheeks, but I'm not going to even try to help you. He's _naked_."

I glared at him. "Yeah. Just be lucky you've got that end and not this one."

Kisame pressed my hands into the tree even harder, making me whimper in pain once more. "Just answer the question and you won't have to look at this end."

I glared at Kisame. "Pencil. Dick."

Kisame dropped my wrists and bent down to retrieve his clothing, which placed his face directly in my crotch region. I made a strangled noise and pressed back up against the tree, then cursed inwardly, hoping he didn't take notice. Unfortunately, he did. The blue man leant forward, pressing the top of his head on my crotch, and I growled low in my throat. When he grabbed his pants, he pulled them up, his face making a slow line up my body, ending up mere inches away from my lips. I pulled my lips back in a feral snarl, and he jerked away, surprise showing clearly in those onyx eyes.

"Don't touch me," I snarled and pushed him away from me, anger radiating off of my body in violent waves. "Don't _ever_ touch me."

Kisame backed away, holding his hands in front of his body in a silent surrender. "Alright. No touching. I got it."

Itachi stepped forward, placing an arm over the blue man's shoulders and pulled him back. Ophelia sighed and turned around, going back to the road to wait for us all. Kisame pushed Itachi away and spoke to him quietly as I stayed pressed against the tree. I saw Itachi shake his head, but Kisame seemed to be assuring the other man of something. With a sigh, Itachi walked in the general direction that Ophelia had taken, going back to the road as well. Kisame turned to me, black eyes assessing. He leaned against a tree, arms folded across his chest as he looked at me.

"Okay," Kisame said on a very slow exhale. "You gonna tell me what that was about, Rapunzel?"

I glared at him. "Must you call me that?"

He shrugged, but kept looking at me. "You call me everything under the sun when it comes to fish puns, so I thought it would be fitting to keep calling you something." I kept glaring, remaining silent. "Seriously, though, what was that about?"

I sighed, not wanting to tell him the truth. "You mean, besides the fact that I just saw your little friend earlier?"

Kisame scoffed. "As if you didn't like it."


	3. Chapter 3

After that little scene, I kept my distance from Kisame. It was hot, but I didn't want to take my hoodie off. Itachi, however, kept walking beside me, making small talk. I smiled. He was a sweetheart. I don't know why nobody else noticed it, but I guess it had to do with the fact he didn't say much and communicated mostly in grunting and hand signs.

"Quinn," Itachi muttered as he looked as the perspiration that clung to my hairline. "You have to be extremely hot. Why don't you take that thing off?"

I made a noncommittal sound and kept walking. Most of the Akatsuki members hadn't seen me without long sleeves, or at least something that hid my back. I sighed, wishing I could take the sweatshirt off and continue walking like everybody else did, in tank-tops and light jeans. Itachi nudged my arm, reminding him that he wanted me to strip of the sweatshirt.

"Promise to not say anything?" I asked as I striped the hoodie off of my body and tossed it to him.

He made an angry, guttural sound in the back of his throat and ran a finger down one of the long scars that went from the top of my right shoulder to the bottom of my left butt cheek. But he couldn't see how far down it went, as most of the scar was covered by the dark green tank top and my tight jeans. My breath caught as he went to pull the tank top to the side to continue looking at the scar, but I jumped forward, shaking my head.

"No," I said firmly as I stepped back into line with him. We were at the back of the line, so I didn't care as much as I normally would. "No touching."

Itachi nodded, but I noticed that his fists were clenched at his sides. "Alright. No touching. But… Who? Why? How? When?"

I laughed sadly and grabbed my bag from him, and though it was slightly heavy, I was determined to carry it the rest of the way. "My father. Discipline. Whip. And from the ages of four to eighteen."

Itachi growled. "He should be skinned alive."

I laughed, this time the sound was cheery. "Oh, he was. On my eighteenth birthday."

Itachi's eyes bulged as he caught onto what I was saying. I grinned at him. Revenge was a dish best served cold, right? Then his shoulders began to shake, and I realized he was trying to hide his laughter. Then, as if his body couldn't handle it anymore, he broke out into loud guffaws, making me start laughing with him. To anybody else, we probably looked like two escaped mental patients walking along the road.

"What's so funny?" Kisame snapped as he turned around to watch us.

I sobered up, or appeared to, for a few moments. "I skinned my dad alive."

I would've been able to continue on calmly, but I made the mistake of looking at Itachi. He smirked at me, and I dissolved into laughter again. This time, the other man's laughter wasn't quite as loud, but it was still coming from the very depths of him. I wiped tears away with my knuckles, trying to draw deep breaths to stop laughing, but it didn't help.

"That's not that funny," Kisame said as we caught up to him. "And it could have very well blown our cover!"

Itachi threw an arm around my shoulders, making it look like we were all buddy buddy. Well, at this moment in time, we were. Then I realized that the arm he had thrown around my shoulders was the one that had my hoodie draped over it. I smiled and patted his hand, showing my thanks silently as I realized he was helping me hide my secret for a little bit longer. I looked up and saw that Kisame's gaze was locked on me and Itachi's joined hands. I shrugged.

"Well, we'd better be on our way," Itachi said as he started walking forward, forcing me to follow him.

I laughed and followed him, hands still linked. Ophelia stared at me as if I'd grown a second head. I grinned at her before winking, and kept walking with the older Uchiha. His legs were almost longer than me, so keeping up with him at a walk nearly required me to jog. He seemed to notice this and he stopped, looking down at my body. I arched an eyebrow when his gaze returned to mine, then I noticed the intention in his eyes.

"Oh, hell no!" I tried to scold but it ended up a squeal as Itachi grabbed at me, carrying me bridal style. "ITACHI PUT ME DOWN!"

I swung my arm out, intending to hit him playfully on the cheek, but he only grunted and put me over his shoulder. I squeaked and punched him in the butt, though not much force was behind it due to my entire body was vibrating with laughter. Itachi laughed at me and patted my rump playfully, and I gasped. Ophelia burst out laughing behind us, and I heard Kisame grumble unhappily.

"Quinn," Ophelia asked as she walked closer, "is that a tattoo of a phoenix on your shoulder?"

I looked up at her. "Yes. We call it Nshan." *Nshan in Armanian means Sign*

Kisame grumbled something that neither me nor Itachi could hear, but Ophelia apparently did. Her eyes widened, and her eyes darted between the blue man and me. I flipped him the bird, and though I couldn't tell from this distance, I'm guessing his eyes hardened into hard, angry orbs. Itachi laughed, the sound radiating from his body and going through mine.

Woah. Tingly.

"Opallllllllll," I whined, peering up at her through my black hair. "Come rescue me from the scary ogre man!"

Itachi scoffed. "I am no ogre, madam! I am merely saving a fair maiden from an aquatic dragon!"

Kisame's jaw dropped in surprise. "Aquatic _dragon_?"

I patted Itachi's butt. "Is it just me or did he sound a little squeaky there, like Minnie Mouse?"

"Definite mousage," Itachi replied, adjusting me on his shoulder with a slight grunt. "Think we could find him a red polka dot dress?"

I grinned out at Kisame. "Do a twirl for us, darling! Come on! Unleash your inner ballerina!"

Kisame growled angrily as he caught up with us. I grinned at Ophelia, who shook her head. Itachi purposefully jarred his stride so that my stomach landed uncomfortably on his shoulder with each step. I squirmed, and Itachi grasped my buttock, holding me in place. Then something dawned on me. Was he…?

"Itachi. Are you purposefully being uncomfortable so that you can grope me?" I asked, calm radiating from my body, though on the inside, I was torn between laughing and punching him in the dick.

"Me? Why would I need a reason to grope you?" he replied as he playfully groped my ass again. "I'd just do it."

I gasped and latched onto my friend's forearms. "Pull, Opal! PULL!"

The other woman just stared at me. I growled and pulled her toward my body, and she shrieked and pulled back, thus pulling me with her. Though, at the last possible second, Itachi latched onto my leg. He made a sound of surprise as he was pulled onto me, who fell onto Ophelia. I hit the other woman laughing. She hit the ground with a squeak rivaling the one Kisame had released earlier, and Itachi hit me with a grunt.

"WE MADE A SANDWICH," I yelled as I started laughing.

"THAT MEANS YOU'RE THE BACON IN THE BLT," Ophelia replied, laughing even harder than I was.

"'Tachi," I said as I kicked my leg from his grasp, "get off of me, you overgrown ferret!"

Itachi muttered something under his breath and launched his weight off of me. I heard an "OH SHIT," a large BANG!, and simulationous grunts. I rolled off of Ophelia and looked in the direction that the sound had some from. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open in shock. I slapped Ophelia's arm and pointed, indicating that her eyes should follow the path mine had taken moments ago.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Kisame yelled, trying to detangle himself from the other man.

"Opal," I whispered, my voice shaking with laughter, "they look like they're having sex."

Ophelia's eyes widened. "Oh my God."

Kisame and Itachi were rolling around, trying to get off of one another. Kisame would get on his side, and Itachi's momentum would push his hips forward as he tried to buck away. Itachi would roll on top and then try to push himself up using only his arms, which would press his lower extremities against the shark. I looked at Ophelia, who clapped a hand over her mouth to smother a giggle.

I looked up at the sky and sighed when I saw it starting to get dark. I sat up and walked to the edge of the fighting men. "Okay, guys. Enough of the playful sex. We've got to get moving."

I could've been speaking to the dead. With an annoyed huff of breath, I turned around to ask Ophelia for help when the men rolled into my legs, causing me to fall with them. I squealed, the sound high-pitched and girly, when I landed on muscled man. Itachi grunted and the two men, and I, apparently, continued in the little wrestling match. Only when Kisame's head ended up on my shoulder and Itachi laying across my back did we stop at Ophelia's shrill whistle.

"Everybody up!" she yelled, having grown annoyed with us. "Itachi, you first."

Itachi grunted and got up, rocking back onto his heels.

"Okay. Kisame, you next."

Kisame rolled off of me, though he was too close to the trees and he hit it with a large curse.

"Oka-"

"Shut up, Opal," I growled as I sat up on my knees. "I don't need someone telling me when and how to get up."

"Touch-y," Ophelia muttered as she stepped back, hands in the air. "I'm just gonna go set up camp now…"

Ophelia left, slinking into the shadows of the trees. Kisame stood up, casually walking toward me and Itachi. The two men nodded at each other, acting as if nothing had happened. I growled deep in my throat. Idiots. Men are idiots. With a smirk, Itachi held a hand out, offering me help to rise to my feet. I started reaching for it when a blue hand was thrust into my face. I looked up, hand still outstretched, and noticed the men staring at each other.

"Okay, boys," I yelled, standing up without assistance. The two men opened their mouths, as if about to say anything. "NO! NO TALKING. PUT THE DAMN RULERS AWAY. WE ARE DONE MEASURING."

Kisame cocked his head to the side. "But… We weren't…?"

I held my hand up, one finger extended, silently saying that he needed to shut the fuck up. "Please. After you two just rolled around, basically having sex, you two were measuring because there was a woman around."

Itachi grinned before bending down to get my hoodie off of the ground. He held it out to me. "Consider this a white flag?"

I made a sound that rivaled a growl, but I grabbed the sweatshirt and pulled it over my head. "Truce is in effect."

I turned to walk back toward the general area that we had planned to set up camp. The men, however, stayed put and watched me go. Thankful that I had put the hoodie back on before walking away from them, I gave them a peace sign over my shoulder. Kisame laughed, and Itachi cleared his throat.

"Hey, Quinn," Itachi said, raising its voice so that it could carry better on the wind. "Just so that you know…"

I sighed, stopping in my tracks. "Yes, Itachi?"

"If we were actually measuring, you'd be extremely impressed. I don't have a pencil dick."

"What is up with everybody saying I have a pencil dick?" Kisame yelled angrily. "YOU'VE BOTH SEEN IT. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I DON'T HAVE A PENCIL DICK."

I heard Itachi pat the other man's shoulder. "Sure you do, buddy. Sure."


End file.
